Blizzard of 2009

I spent the blizzard of 2009 stuck in Philly. I say stuck, but I wasn't really - I knew it was coming. Philly got almost two feet of snow. It was gorgeous. We walked to a house party through the blizzard Saturday night, stopping at a bar halfway to stay warm with yes, more beer, watch the end of the Cowboys/New Orleans game (Cowboys, you've redeemed yourself in December for once), and contemplate how crazy we were to walk right past the Eastern State Penitentiary for yes, more beer and a mini IC reunion. I was freezing cold on the way back but really, really happy because how often do you get to wander through two feet of snow with your friends or walk smack in the middle of a normally very busy and very clear city street? And the next morning, four strangers not only helped us clean off two cars and clear a parking space, but it was really nice to see all these people out trying to figure out what the hell to do with all this snow. You don't get that in the 'burbs -- you just get people cursing at their long driveways and sidewalks that they have to shovel off. 

I liked seeing all the people out on a freezing cold Sunday morning, I really did, even when I had free tickets to the Jets game -- which would have been my first live NFL game EVER -- that I couldn't use because I couldn't get back up to Jersey in time. Hell, they lost anyway. But I WILL see an NFL game in the flesh already. Now I'm just determined.

This is my life. Or my brain. Or both.

I overanalyze everything. It's just how I roll. It's a take it or leave it part of my personality -- you have to appreciate or at least respect that everything plays through my mind on repeat because I can't make an inherent part of me disappear. Now do I like this? Of course not. It'd be awesome to just go through life without questioning what happens, but conversations run over and over again through my head. Just when I think I'm done overanalyzing, I've moved on to the next piece of the word puzzle. Why was that brought up first? Why was this said at all? Did I say everything I needed to? When is it okay to keep the conversation going if it happened days or weeks ago?

I usually think I've said something dumb, but don't realize it until two days later -- and can you fix what you said or do you just let it go? Did the other person even notice? Or if you've done something you know they wouldn't like or aren't a fan of, not major, a little thing, did you lose them forever? Should you have thought before moving or talking or looking or thinking? And the real question -- did you even do anything wrong at all if you were being yourself, saying whatever you were thinking, or simply asking questions? Probably not, feels like that anyway. 

I wasn't always like this. Sure I've overanalyzed my entire life, but the point it's at now can only be blamed on one person and/or incident, however you (or I) would like to call it. Over-analytical? Sure. Over-emotional? No. But times change, the people in your life change, even if you're still in the same spot. And so now I'm stuck being that girl who can't shut her brain off, who would be so happy if she could, and is betting anyone else she's had a conversation with has all but dropped it from their brains while it's still running through hers.

When someone discovers how to fix the broken record that is the human brain, let me know, eh?